Back To School Time – How I Feel As A Stay At Home Mom…Aug 9, 2018
Audri is officially beginning Kindergarten in a couple of weeks and I bought her a few things from Pottery Barn Kids to make her feel celebrated and ready for her day. Here are the items she picked out:
Staying at home with Audri full-time has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, hands down. Because she’s leaving for Kindergarten soon, this marks the start of a new chapter in our lives. I’ve been trying not to cry thinking about it (and I certainly don’t cry in front of her because I want her to be excited about school) but I’m kind-of a mess…
I’ve dedicated my life to her for five years, day in and day out. It’s been wild and beautiful and perfectly imperfect.
I know she’s ready for school, because I’ve spent countless hours preparing her for this day.
Beginning from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Audri… I played Mozart for her every night because I read that it was good for brain development. Not to mention the flash cards, puzzles, and matching games, and preschool curriculum. She’s attended child care and has enjoyed time at my parents’ house while I’ve worked off and on over the years but this is different.
This is her first year of real school.
I can’t just scoop her up in my arms, and hop in the car for a smoothie date. From here, I’ll only have 18 summers until she’s gone.
(yes, I’m reading this book, and yes it’s wonderful)…
The girl looking back at me today isn’t a baby, and it’s bittersweet.
Part of me longs for just a little more time with her. But, the more logical side of me understands the first day of school doesn’t mean she’s dying…It’s just a part of life. In order for her to be successful and have her own life twenty years from now, she needs school. So here I am, 5am drinking coffee and crying, making her wildberry muffins that my mom used to make me in the morning, reading her baby books like she’s graduating from high school.
Feeling anxious and guilty and messy.
If you work from home with kids, this is a gentle reminder to savor..
- the crafts (no matter how many) stick them on your fridge
- mid-day stories under the blanket on the couch
- morning cuddles before the sun comes up
- learning how to ride a bicycle
- forts in the living room
- prayers, boo-boos, and impromtu “i love you mommy’s”
- being able to hold and carry your baby while you can
- dancing to records or whatever you do together just the two of you
- talking, singing, laughing, tickling
Awww you made me cry!!! What a sweet post!